I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
As shirtless as possible
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
