i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
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