I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
