Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
