apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
