apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
