she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
The best revenge is premature balding
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
