New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
