I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
