You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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