If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
She needs sedatives and a leash
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
