i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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