its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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