Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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