i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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