he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
