how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Is it penis luge time yet?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
