My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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