How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
