This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
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