Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
