i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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