the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I need water and some morals
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
