Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
