ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
