The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
