I'm jealous of your bromance
She tied me up with her honor cords...
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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