so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
