You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
