He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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