I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
