So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
my liver is dry heaving
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
