it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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