Well douche your snatch and let's go!
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
