CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
