and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
