"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
