I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Everyone says I win the strip club
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
