Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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