her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
