this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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