i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
