I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
