She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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