Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
