You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
