By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
