I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
