You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
