she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
