So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
