I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
