went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
my being single is dangerous.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
